11 February 2007
If there‘s one thing that I really want right now is to be excited to my future like I used to be. I know that some people prefer to just follow where live bring them to, but I always have a plan in my life, and try to reach it. It always feels exciting to pursue what I dream of. But that excitement is gradually disappearing as time goes by, when I find that I might be unable to reach my goal. I’m hoping that I’ll find a new dream, and the future will become something that I’m looking forward to.
7 February 2007
It’s SUCK when you find yourself in a one way street. When you finally realize that the end of road that you though as a fast-forward road is not the destination that you want to reach or even make you’re further from it. There is no chance to turning back. Of course, you can stop on the side of the street; regret the decision that you made. But I prefer to drive faster to reach the end of the road. And maybe, somehow, in the middle of the road, I can find another road to turn, and start all over again.
30 January 2007
Sometimes, I really hate myself. I really hate myself when I can’t control it and ended up doing the wrong things no matter how my mind disallows me to do it. That is the time when I feel so screwed and questioning about my own existence. If I really have no control upon myself, then who control it? If I have no ownership on my mind, then who own it? If I really have no power over my soul, then who has it? If there’s something that own my mind and has full power over my soul, do I really exist?
20 November 2006
Procrastinate is one of my deadly sin. However, just like another sin, I just can’t help but did it anyway. Again what I am doing is waiting for wake up call. I believe that it will come eventually. Even though, often, it comes too late. I can finish my job though, but I know that I would get better result, had I done it few days before. But then again, it’s maybe something that I can’t change. It’s running in my blood, reserve in my brain, and written in my DNA. So, let me introduce myself… ultimate slacker and under achiever…
19 November 2006
Often I was hoping to start a brand new day every time I woke up in the morning. I was hoping that yesterday was just a yesterday and everything that happened before will had no effect on anything that I planned to do today… Unfortunately, everyday is not really a new day. Everything that we’ve done in the past will always leave its footprint. Starting a brand new day is not to forget what we’ve done before, but is actually to realize our mistakes in the past, not to repeat the same mistakes, and to compensate anything wrong with something right…
18 November 2006
Sometimes, knowing that something is wrong is not enough to do something right. No matter how hard we try, we still end up doing the wrong things. Then, we are just hoping that somehow, the wake up call will come and bring us to the right way… But what should we if it comes too late? When everything is already screwed up and there is no way to fix it up. Maybe it is not enough just to hope the wake up call to come. Instead, we also need to hope that it is not too late when it finally comes…
17 November 2006
People need some space. We need some space where we’re able to do whatever we want to do without any judgment from anyone. We need some space where we can relieve the pressure and prepare ourselves to face the real crowded world. We need some space to try to understand who we really are… I do desperately look for my own space. I need some space where I can feel comfortable with myself. I need some space where I can finally be honest with myself. But most of the time, I need some space to be alone, just to be alone…
16 November 2006
Tunnel vision is something that very hard; if not impossible; to get rid in investigating and analyzing cases. Our mind unconsciously will make us tend to follow what we believe in, no matter how hard we try to be objective. Thus, there will be always subjective element in our judgments. Even as engineers, when fact-based decision is the rule of any action, tunnel vision tendency will always take parts. We may have made the decision based on the fact, but the problem is on the fact itself. Is it really a fact or something that we believe to be a fact?
15 November 2006
Today, there's something different with one of my colleague. Last few days he’s looked so stress because of his jobs. Devil side of me was quietly laughed on him. Despite my very bad day, someone had it worse. It made me feel better, somehow. As usual, he got many troubles today, but after answered never ending phone call regarding his job, he's smiling, saying "Always got problems, OK! That's why I'm here... When there's no problem, I'll be looking for problem, or someone will give me one anyway...” I couldn't agree more and laughed loudly, but now laughed on my self...
