HOCUS POCUS

Few days ago, out of the blue, one of my junior in senior high, whine me thru messenger. She was asking me whether I had a problem regarding her post about another person who she was against with. Well, at first I didn’t understand what she was talking about, but then I realized that it was regarding my comment in her post.

Prior to that, she responded my comment in a very rude way by writing that she was not discussing those particular issues with me. Well, I seriously have no idea if I was not invited there, however as far as I understand, when someone put a writing online, everyone can read it and put comment on it, unless we make it private or put comment on approval. But I had written that I am sorry if I was really not invited there.

But then again, I also have no idea why in that particular writing, she didn’t expect my comment, coz I have given some comment in her blog before, and she was OK. On top of that, I really think that there was nothing offensive in my comment. But later on, she made that posting private, and she said that she actually made it private from the beginning. Well, we never know…. Even though it quite hard to understand how, but I prefer to believe her…

Other than that she also put comment in my another old blog, questioning my other intention. Again, I didn’t understand what she was talking about. After having a thought about it a while, I knew that she thought my comment was to offence her. She maybe thinks that I support the guy that she was against with. Just to make it clear, I really have no intention to offence her, what I put in the comment is purely to clarify if she was making a typo error. There was a sentence in her blog which was quite confusing and could lead the reader to interpret it wrongly, but she got me wrong.

Back to the chat, after figuring out what she was talking about, then I told her that I have no intention but to clarify the typo error. However, all of the sudden, she closed the conversation by telling me that she need to go. Actually, at that time, I really thought that she was impolite, coz she started conversation which was judging me for something that I was not doing, but she stopped it before we made it clear. Again, I prefer to believe her that she really had something very important which gave her reason to neglect politeness.

So later on, I saw her online again. Considering that there was something unclear between us, I asked her if she had something to clarify. But she said that she had nothing, or to be precise, she had no more “mood” to discuss that matter with me. Well, what I thought that time was that, I even had no “mood” to start it from the very beginning. However, she had started it, even with some prejudice about me on it, so she owed me an explanation.

However, what she had done was running for that obligation. It was simply rude and impolite. I am saying this not because I am her senior. I actually oppose to seniority, especially when we have already graduated from that school. However, impoliteness that she had done is applied in general life. It is about a manner in our interaction with other people.

But after having some thought and watching her acting toward other people, it made me realize something. It is crystal clear that she is nothing but a kid. Well, as a kid, it is expected for her to act in such a way. As adult we need to be responsible of our action and what she had done was running for that responsibility. It simply shows her egocentric. Seeing another action she did in responding others critic also show how defensive she is, which is also another characteristic of immature person who afraid to lose. But actually by doing so, she lose even more.

Hopefully, as she is growing up, she can realize what she has done was wrong. My advice to her is that, please don’t be defensive, otherwise, people critics regardless right or wrong, wont make you grow up as a better person, but instead will hurt yourself… though you maybe think that you don’t need it, but I wish you all the best and I really do…

I’m not young enough to know everything —James Matthew Barrie

That quote distracted me quite a deal when I read it, coz it reflects what I feel know and what I was. Well, I was young and green (though I am still young now but I was younger and greener before ) Looking back to myself few years back, make me feel a bit shame, but most of the time it make me laugh to see how laughable I was. I was so full of myself, but the most laughable thing is that when I thought that I know everything.

Well, I don’t know what made me think I was on top of the world. Maybe, I just saw a very tiny part of the globe and thought that was the whole universe. It was very easy for me to judge people just based on the assumption. I thought that I can analyze everything; especially I was thinking that it was very easy for me to analyze people, which is completely wrong.

I remember that I told one of my friends, my junior in fact, that she didn’t suitable for the major that she had taken. Just based on my assumption on how unconfident she was with herself. But later on, knew her better, I admitted that I was wrong and I said sorry to her. Well, human capabilities are very complex. Maybe I was right that she lack on one factor which is not suitable for that major, but indeed she had many other factors that made herself able to overcome every obstacle she faced on it, which had been proven now.

Finally I realize that it surely needs time to understand other people, or maybe we will never really capable to know everything about other people. There are some examples, such as a couple who had lived together for so many years, but in the end realized that there were some secret they didn’t know about their spouse. Again, human are very complex, we never really know what other people capable to do. Nothing is more wrong than thinking that we know everything about someone so that they know nothing about themselves.

Having said that, it needs time to understand ourselves as well. Well, now I can say that I was wrong, but not before, when I was younger and greener and thinking that I know everything. Now, I realize that I don’t know everything, I can’t analyze people easily by assumption or a very little sample of behaviors; I can’t judge people good or bad; I can’t tell that someone is completely mistaken and I perfectly true; and most important thing is that I can’t think that other people are so wrong which make them need my help to fixed them 

At least, I know something now. I know that I was wrong and hopefully I can take lesson to be a better person. Because maybe, that’s what growing up is all about; to know what mistake we have done, not repeat the same mistake, and in the end of the day, we will be a better adult. In this case, I glad that I have some people who can give me constructive advice, to make me think and evaluate myself without turn out to be defensive. Otherwise, I am now still a boy in a man body and don’t realize that I am just a boy. Well, the most terrible thing in life is to become old too fast and wise too late, someone said. Hopefully it doesn’t happen in any of us….

Having a very good discussion last night. Actually, we always have a very good conversation, but at least last night I got something to learn other than gossiping.  Well, so many misunderstanding in this world, and sometimes, if not often, I am wondering why is that happening? Why is it so difficult for people to understand each other? You can call me naïve, but I believe that most of people in this world, if not everyone, have always a good side. I believe that no one is truly an evil.

But maybe what makes that problem happens is not because people is not understanding each other, but maybe because we are too confident that we understand other people. We are assuming that we know what they think about us and we know what their intention toward us. But, is that enough to make misunderstanding occur? Well, actually that is not enough. Sometimes, life is just like a chemical reaction. When two insignificant substances are combined, it can become a very significant new substance, either useful or dangerous to human life.

Another factor, as bang Aussie said, is that, our tendency to see other people, in the way we see ourselves. Bang Aussie gave an example, an honest person. An honest person can be wrong if they think that everyone is honest, cause to be real, not everyone in this world is honest. As result, he maybe will get bullied many times, or get cheated all the times. In contrast, dishonest person also have tendency to think that other people will act dishonest toward them. As result, they will be always cheating all the time. Why those thing happen? One explanation from bang Aussie that I think is quite logic is because; human capability is limited. It is impossible for us to understand everything, especially when it is related to human behaviors. Then what we are doing is taking an easy way out, that is by reflecting ourselves to others and sees others in the way we see ourselves.

So how can those two combinations of human behaviors cause misunderstanding among them? Or even when those combinations occur, as long as we keep ourselves in a circle of good people, (if we think that we are the good one), everything is just going to be fine, isn’t it? Well, again, to be real, as I said earlier that no one is a truly an evil, at the same time, no one is truly an angel. As human, we always have two sides, good side and a bad side. That is why God create evil and angel, and it is ours to choose which one we want to follow the most.

So when human have a good and a bad side, then what? Well, game theory has its part here, that is why it deserve a noble price It is like a prisoner dilemma every time we deal with other people. We know that we have a good and a bad side; we can be honest and dishonest. Then, we will try to figure out what others people think. As I mention above, we tend to see them as us, which mean they can be either bad or good. By game theory principle, if we think that they are good, but in the end they are actually bad, it will cost us a lot. We tend to take a safe move by assuming that other people are bad, so that we will not be defeated as much as otherwise. Then the first tendency occurs that we are think that we know what other people think. Final result, we are confidently assuming that other people are bad which can lead to misunderstanding among us.

So, there are three factors combine here, our tendency to see others as the way we see ourselves, our tendency to assume that we know what other people think, and the principle of game theory which take place in human interaction.

Well, anyway, above are just my own theory that I figure out from the discussion last night. It is not necessary right, but I just like to make a theory  But, I think it can explain some misunderstanding that happen among people, even though it can’t be applied for all cases. Those tendency is also not always occurring, because maybe there are others factor like trust, experience and many others thing as a result of ours interaction with other people who we trust or distrust completely.

For me, figuring out this simply just make me more aware and be careful in my interaction with other people. Maybe by knowing this I can avoid someone got me wrong or myself got other people wrong. Wise word said, "don’t assume, get the fact", other said "don’t judge too quickly". Easier said than done, but realizing is the first step of acting. Hopefully, better world can be created without misunderstanding…. And I really looking forward for this…