HOCUS POCUS

Again, a very long hibernation till I’m writing again. But anyway, having a blog should not give us any pressure to write frequently and constantly. Blog is personal, and how often we want to write something on it is also a personal matter. Having said that, when we dont write so often, something that we write must be important and meaningful. So no pressure guys…

Well, for an update I am still working in same company till now. I have been working there for more than 6 months and so far so good. As a matter of fact, I like my job, if not love it. At very least, my job is related to what I have learned in school. More than that, I am doing a little bit of everything. It is challenging and exciting at the same time, and for sure there are lots of thing that I need to learn.

So, what is the meaningful thing that I want to write here? what do I mean with the title above? Well, I believe that when we are doing something that we like, we will do it better and eventually get some rewards from it. It is actually too short to get the reward in six months, and what I have obtained is actually not quite significant. But still, it is not so wrong to celebrate of what I have achieved below :

Hopefully, the next six months, I will get something more than this, which is a promotion… hahahaha…

Heal Yeah, I’m writing again!!! So many times I had been thinking to write here, but what I was doing is not even close to opening the Write Post page. Well, a lot has been happening since my last post, the major difference is I’m no longer student rite now, I have graduated and currently working in the same place where I was doing my attachment/internship.

Everything seems working well, and it does. What can I ask more? But I’m just a human who have never been satisfied. There is always something here and there that I hope can be better, but even if it does, another hope of getting another thing better will come out. So, for now, I’m quite happy with my life.

Anyway, I was just coming back from a reunion dinner+supper with my long lost junior high school friends and it was fun. Well, it was so amazed me thinking about what we were and what we are now. It is like yesterday when four of us using a blue and white uniform and now we are in our early 20s, and for my case I can consider myself in my mid 20s starting this year.

How time flies so fast has worried me, so that sometimes I prefer not to think about it. But again, it is better for me to realize it now, than realize it in my 30s to regret whatever I have been doing in my life. But, what should I be worried about now? Honestly I don’t know. Do I have regret? Well I have had a few, but then again, like Frankie said, too few to mention.

Maybe I shouldn’t be worry about anything. Just follow the flow of life, do what I want to do and have the best time of my life… No worries kind of life is sound fun, isn’t it? ….. Yes it is…. but after looking at the right down corner of my laptop, Sunday 3 am which mean tomorrow is Monday, and Monday is equal to dragging my self to the office…  Do I really have no worry? Hell No….!

Feel so exhausted these day, and will continue until the next…. month, or even year… poor me… but anyway, I actually promise myself will never post a song in my blog, however this song was a song which had motivated me every time I feel like giving up….

The song is from Tipe-X, with fancy ska music, the lyric below with lousy translation:

Lepas semua angan tinggi melayang / Let all dream fly high
Coba menghindar dari kenyataan / Try to escape from reality
Mikirin hidup yang nggak karuan / Think about chaotic life
Malah bikin bingung nggak pernah ada jawaban / Confusing, never find the answer
Semua menjauhi lelah hati terus begini / Everything run away, exhausted  heart, stay the same
Jenuh mencoba putus asa  / Fed up, try to give up
M’rasa diri seolah nggak punya arti / Feel like unworthy

Tapi teringat nasehat nenek / But remember grandma’s said
Orang hidup harus punya tujuan / People must have a goal
Nggak perlu malu hadapi kenyataan / Don’t be ashamed to face reality
Jangan hidup ini cuma jadi beban / Don’t make life just an obligation
Ternyata nasehat nenek benar / In fact, grandma’s right
Nggak boleh malas / Don’t be lazy
Ternyata semua harus dikejar / In fact, everything need to be pursued
Dan matahari pun bersinar / And the sun will shine
{2x}

Na na na na na na… na na..na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na na… na na..na na
Na na na na na na… na na

klick : http://www.esnips.com/doc/ca4e7ee0-856d-44f3-b26f-2512191cb91b/Tipe-X—Angan if you want to hear the song….

Having a very good discussion last night. Actually, we always have a very good conversation, but at least last night I got something to learn other than gossiping.  Well, so many misunderstanding in this world, and sometimes, if not often, I am wondering why is that happening? Why is it so difficult for people to understand each other? You can call me naïve, but I believe that most of people in this world, if not everyone, have always a good side. I believe that no one is truly an evil.

But maybe what makes that problem happens is not because people is not understanding each other, but maybe because we are too confident that we understand other people. We are assuming that we know what they think about us and we know what their intention toward us. But, is that enough to make misunderstanding occur? Well, actually that is not enough. Sometimes, life is just like a chemical reaction. When two insignificant substances are combined, it can become a very significant new substance, either useful or dangerous to human life.

Another factor, as bang Aussie said, is that, our tendency to see other people, in the way we see ourselves. Bang Aussie gave an example, an honest person. An honest person can be wrong if they think that everyone is honest, cause to be real, not everyone in this world is honest. As result, he maybe will get bullied many times, or get cheated all the times. In contrast, dishonest person also have tendency to think that other people will act dishonest toward them. As result, they will be always cheating all the time. Why those thing happen? One explanation from bang Aussie that I think is quite logic is because; human capability is limited. It is impossible for us to understand everything, especially when it is related to human behaviors. Then what we are doing is taking an easy way out, that is by reflecting ourselves to others and sees others in the way we see ourselves.

So how can those two combinations of human behaviors cause misunderstanding among them? Or even when those combinations occur, as long as we keep ourselves in a circle of good people, (if we think that we are the good one), everything is just going to be fine, isn’t it? Well, again, to be real, as I said earlier that no one is a truly an evil, at the same time, no one is truly an angel. As human, we always have two sides, good side and a bad side. That is why God create evil and angel, and it is ours to choose which one we want to follow the most.

So when human have a good and a bad side, then what? Well, game theory has its part here, that is why it deserve a noble price It is like a prisoner dilemma every time we deal with other people. We know that we have a good and a bad side; we can be honest and dishonest. Then, we will try to figure out what others people think. As I mention above, we tend to see them as us, which mean they can be either bad or good. By game theory principle, if we think that they are good, but in the end they are actually bad, it will cost us a lot. We tend to take a safe move by assuming that other people are bad, so that we will not be defeated as much as otherwise. Then the first tendency occurs that we are think that we know what other people think. Final result, we are confidently assuming that other people are bad which can lead to misunderstanding among us.

So, there are three factors combine here, our tendency to see others as the way we see ourselves, our tendency to assume that we know what other people think, and the principle of game theory which take place in human interaction.

Well, anyway, above are just my own theory that I figure out from the discussion last night. It is not necessary right, but I just like to make a theory  But, I think it can explain some misunderstanding that happen among people, even though it can’t be applied for all cases. Those tendency is also not always occurring, because maybe there are others factor like trust, experience and many others thing as a result of ours interaction with other people who we trust or distrust completely.

For me, figuring out this simply just make me more aware and be careful in my interaction with other people. Maybe by knowing this I can avoid someone got me wrong or myself got other people wrong. Wise word said, "don’t assume, get the fact", other said "don’t judge too quickly". Easier said than done, but realizing is the first step of acting. Hopefully, better world can be created without misunderstanding…. And I really looking forward for this…

Guten Tag!

Today is one month after I came back to Singapore, 1 week after the examination result, and one day after my German exam. Time flies and procrastinate me wasting those flying times with doing nothing, regardless that I have so little time with so much to do. Well, the deadline of my FYP report submission is less than 4 months, and only 8 weeks left for the holiday.

Surely, I have to rush with my FYP, and I need not to tell you the current progress of my FYP as it will just make it worse. But actually, I find it interesting. After reading -scanning actually- some papers, hoping to find an idea which barely find till now, the way researchers around the world communicate is quite interesting or even amazing for me. They maybe never said a single word to each other, not even know each other, but they are, for sure, communicate thru their papers.

It makes me realize the importance of putting the reference list on the paper. We have already know that it is an ethic to give credit for everyone else works that you use in your project. But actually, the importance is more than that. It is remind me to the concept of collective intelligence that I’ve learned from one of the modules I’ve taken last semester. Because actually, that is the way on how researcher communicate and collaborate with each other. That’s the factor that determines on how the technologies keep progressing to create something useful for human life. When all brain, in this case smart brain I believe, working together to create something, that thing must be an extraordinary one.

Hopefully, I will keep find it interesting so that I will have a “push factor” to keep me doing my FYP. Deep inside my heart, I am still hoping that someday I’ll have a chance to do a research work. But most likely, it will not happen in the near future. For now, I really need to focus on finishing this project first. So guys, wish me luck.

This semester is done. The exam result was announced yesterday. Honestly, the result was disappointing. This semester exam result is the worst exam result I have ever got for the last 6 semester (Please keep in your mind that even for another semester my result was never really good). Well, some of you maybe will think that I am bluffing, or saying that what I think is bad, maybe good for different standard or whatever. Honestly, I hate when people talk to me those thing, coz so far I think I am a very straight forward person and I always try to say the truth. But then again, that is inevitable, because they are right that we have different standard, which actually can be solved by showing them my transcript so they can judge whether it is good or bad. But as that option also not possible, so nothing I can do about it.

Actually, I shouldn’t be surprised with the result, or even, this result was expected considering how slacking I was this semester. The fact that I got no fail subject (but got a lot of almost fail subjects ) is actually the thing that I should feel glad of. Again, I am just a human which will never feel satisfied. I regret that I didn’t try harder, but it was already passed and no way to be changed.

So what can I do now? First, with this result, I have a very low chance to get what I have targeted to achieve before, so I need to make my expectation lower than before. Second, do some re-evaluation, re-planning, re-targeting or even make new strategy on how will I live my life after this. Third, not repeat the same mistakes next semester and hopefully, there are some pieces of my broken hope that I can pick up and rebuilt. I wish that I will not lose my hope coz I maybe able to survive the diet of food (will be though, thou ) but I definitely will not survive the diet of hope.

Well, should resume my life rite now, I cannot pause it too long coz I got German paper next Wed, and must be doing my FYP this holiday. I need to find the new spirit to start it again and do better. Still not sure about it as people said: lot easier said than done… hahaha…

ps : Thanks a lot for Dei, bang Rennie and especially bang Aussie to help me cope with this syndrome…. Really miss those RKB moments…

Well, finally I start writing again after a very long hibernation. FYI, I am in Bandar Lampung now. My exam has finished one week earlier but don’t ask me to tell about my exam coz it’s totally screwed, don’t wanna discuss about it as it will destroy my very happy holiday 

There was an interesting story in my journey back home. As usual, I didn’t choose direct flight Sin-Jkt, instead I went to Batam first simply because it much cheaper. It only coz me around SG$30 for two ways flight, together with the ferry and taxi fare it only coz me SG$80 in total to reach Jakarta, compare it with direct flight which will coz me around 200 bucks, it is definitely worth the time and effort.

Euphoria in finishing my last exam paper on Friday, I went to Aninto room to visit him as he just went back from the hospital, but ended up playing Winning Eleven. Realizing that I have 840 (940 SG time) flight from Hang Nadim Batam, I decide to go back to my room early as I have to pack my back and need to reach Harbour Front by 630 to get 730 ferry. However, I am again ended up playing WE in Nurman room until 1 am. But it was not finish there, as I watching many TV series that I just downloaded and finally slept at 430.

It was expected that I would wake late, and it was. I woke up at 730, when I actually should be in my ferry already. But I was not panic nor scare, as it happened before . In my last holiday, I missed my flight and I need to buy the ticket on agent in ferry terminal and it cost me 300.000 rupiah. Not too bad, as I did not need to be hurry and didn’t need to use taxi to go to ferry terminal which will cost me around 20 bucks.

I reached Batam at 1100, I went to the ticket agency where I had bought ticket before but the ticket price was surprising, 500.000 rupiah  I was desperate coz it cost me the same with direct flight from Singapore. But I tried my luck, hopefully I could get better price in the airport, even though I knew that when it is about luck, I am a very unlucky person.

I took taxi to the airport, and reached it at 11.30. I went to Air Asia counter and asking for 130 flight. But the counter girl told me that the flight will be delayed and will take off around 600 pm. I was surprise, and at the same time I realize that there was a chance to get my booked flight. Then I asked her about the 840 flight, and she said it would take off soon. Shamelessly I asked her if it was possible for me to use my ticket, and lucky me, she said yes, even though with a very bothered face.

Finally, I boarded to the plane without had to spend extra money. I was the only one who looked happy there coz other passenger was pissed off for the 4 hour delay. Nice and easy the plane took off. Even though the seat is not really convenient, the cabin is a bit hot before the plane took off, and there was no food provided ( it is a budget airline, what do you expect?), but there was nothing in my face but smiles. Smile for my exam had ended, smile for getting home soon, and a smile for how lucky I was (finally).

So the moral of the story is, come late for your Air Asia flight…   just kidding… unexpected things happen, but it is not always bad. Sometimes we need to try our luck and believe on our guts…

Another thing that I learned in life is that people doesn’t really change, especially for the basic character. We may have done different things, but the way we do it, is just the same. Diligent people will always be diligent, as well as lay-back people will always just be like that either in school or work. In my case, I think I am definitely a slacker with a bit kind of extremism behavior, which make me tend to do things different with common way of doing it, despite the consequences that it will cost me more. Arguing the no-way-to-be-wrong statement is something that sometimes I enjoy the most. So, no wonder that I’m a bit had “problem” in high school.

Well, go back to high school time, slacker me made this “slacker” word sound even worse. I knew that lot of my friends hated me because of this (hate is always a part of friendship, thou ). Some of them just kept quite, others confronted me openly, even brutally sometimes. I was previously thinking that they didn’t have any right to tell me what I have to do, coz it didn’t affect them in any way, and if it did, it was their fault to fell so  Later I realize that I was not absolutely rite (another way to avoid perception that I confess I was wrong ). When you fight on something and at the same time you find other people’s slacking, it is actually quite intimidating.

Now, I am in a condition where there is no way for me to be a slacker, and then I try so hard to be a study-oriented-never-skip-class diligent kind of student. Is it worked? A bit, but most of the time it is not. Maybe the way I am being slack is different,. When I was in high school, I didn’t even try to study and sleep very early in an exam period night, when most of my friends were studying all night long. But now, I can’t even sleep during exam time. Do I study? Again, a bit, but most of the time, I spend it in watching the movie, surfing the net, blog walking etc. In the end of the day I am just ended up being me. Huhuhuhuhu….

Unfortunately, it happens again this semester, even worse coz it comes too early. If previously it will come near to exam period, but now, the tendency is already started this week. I spent whole night this week without sleep. My friends in different time zone a bit surprised that they can find me still online every night at the time where I supposed to sleep ( I did sleep on the next day thou ). Well, actually there were reasons for it. I had a quiz on Monday and I always skipped the lecture, I had a meeting with my FYP supervisor on Wednesday so I need to do some preparation, and Friday was a deadline for submitting an assignment. But again, when I try to remember what I was doing during those very long nights, what come out are: I was watching films and blogs walking. Now, the problem is, since my circadian rhythm has changed, very difficult to put it back to the normal rhythm

Anyway, this week passed nicely. I am quite confident with my quiz and I submitted the assignment on the schedule. My Industrial Attachment result also has been released and the result is satisfying. The most important thing that I did this week is that I finally met my FYP supervisor. But the bad news is my FYP supervisor changed the project. If before it was about magnetic semiconductor, now it is about carbon nanotubes. If before the project title was very cool “Co-doped ZnO Diluted Magnetic Semiconductor and Its Application”, now the title is…. “Don’t Have a Title Yet… “ hahahahahahahaha.  Another reason why I will not be able to sleep next day….

What??? Gimme a break!!! Next week??? Why so fast!!!

That’s my first reaction when I read the email from my EE4001 lecturer, before I realized that actually, this week is week 5 and next week is week 6. OMG, I dunno why I am so slacking in starting this semester. For EE4001 alone, I have skipped uncountable number of lecturers, and for tutorial, I only attended 1 out of 3 tutorials, and I skip this week tutorial also by planning that I will join another class which never happens.

Without trying to find an excuse, maybe it is caused by my Industrial Attachment last semester where I did not need to study. Gosh…. it really dulls my mind. Well, actually this happens not only this semester, but also happened in previous semesters. But what makes it worse is that I have decided to take all AU requirements by December this year, which means only 2 semesters left. There are still 46 AU’s for my major + 3 AU’s for my minor; so that I have to take 24/25 AU’s each semester.

How could I’m still slacking down like this??? I am starting to take 4th year subject this semester, 13 Au’s are from final year modules, 6 AU’s from 3rd year modules, and 3 AU’s for my business minor. Other than that, I also have to start doing my final year project with 10 AU’s load divided in two semesters. In this rate, I really have no idea how could I survive this semester….

Well, there is no use complaining it, since it is already registered and nothing I can do about it. By writing this blog I hope that I can find so called "wake up call" to start this semester. As a beginning, let me review subjects that I take this semester…. (Drum roll…..)

EE3001 Electromagnetic

My lecturer said that this subject is a compulsory subject for any electrical engineering student all over the world. That’s the reason why this subject is a much recommended subject-matching for those who are going to do exchange overseas. This subject is a math-based subject, so you will need a very strong mathematic fundamental especially in vector math, to excel in this subject. But again, unfortunately I am not good in it, so nothing much to be expected from this subject 

EE3003 Integrated Electronic

If I have a privilege to exclude one subject and still able to get my bachelor degree, I will definitely choose this subject. I really had an unpleasant experience with analog electronic subject that I took last semester and I have feeling that I will have same experience with this subject. But however, in analog electronic, somehow, I got a good result or even very good result for my standard and maybe somehow, the story will repeat…

EE4001 Software Engineering

Believe me, I have no intention to skip the lecture. I also don’t have to wake up early to attend lecture since it is on evening session. But the lecture is so boring and I just can’t keep focusing my mind to listen what the lecturer said, and suddenly I am falling to sleep  From the subject title itself we know what it is about. Simply, it is about how a software engineer designs a software system to fulfill the user requirement. The programming skill only is not enough for software engineer, they also have to understand step by step of designing a software so that it can make it easier to meet the requirement and do it in a systematically way. Quite interesting subject thou, but again, I am not sure that it will really useful, since my programming skill is very limited. The analogy is like you have the map to reach the destination, but you can’t walk, so???

EE4305 Digital Design with HDL

This is one of two design subject that I have to take to earn my degree. Actually, I am quite regretting my decision to take this subject, but I have no choice coz another design subject is clash with other subjects. Even though I was once interested in digital electronic, but after realizing that it can’t stand alone without analog, I decided to give it up and chose Microelectronic instead. This subject is actually a programming subject for digital system simulation using VHDL. Well, there is no harm to learn it thou, but I am just thinking that it will be more useful if I take design elective that is more related to my specialization. Anyway, it is registered already and I just try to make myself not regret it more, by having a good mark for this subject… 

EE4645 Microfabrication Engineering

This is the first technical elective out of four technical elective for my degree requirement. It is the advance subject for previous semiconductor related subject; they are EE2003, Semiconductor Fundamental, and EE3013 Semiconductor Device and Processing. Mainly it discusses semiconductor processing in more detail. Since I did quite well in 2 previous semiconductor-related subjects, I have quite high expectation for this subject. Other than that, this subject is like a core subject for the industry that I plan to work in after graduating. So must do well in this subject…. Gambatte!!!

EE4646 VLSI Technology

This is the second subject that I choose for technical elective subject. This subject is no way less important than EE4645, even for some point, it is more important, especially for Device Engineer. This subject is like the bridge between IC Designer and Process Engineer. The understanding of this topic is need to translate the circuit diagram created by IC designer to silicon layout, Then, step by step process flow will be defined. After that, the job is for Process Engineer to do the necessary process to create the IC. This subject is definitely more difficult than EE4645 coz so many thing to be considerate when you want to define a process flow. It is something new for me and I am quite interested in it. The only problem is the lecturer. I think he is very smart but somehow not very good in teaching. But now, I have found the way to understand his way of teaching and hopefully it will be transformed in a good mark

HW310 Professional Communication

As the school think that engineering students are not communicate well, so we need to take three communication skill subjects for the degree. This is the last subject that I have to take and it is the most useful comm-skill subject of all. It will teach us how to make the resume, how to hunt for a job and how to attend job interview properly. I got not very good result for the last two comm-skill subjects, which is expected, considering my poor English communication skill. But hopefully, this one will be better than before…

MB362 Electronic and Mobile Commerce

I was hoping that for my last subject for my business minor, will has fewer projects. I tried to find one that meet the criteria, but I am ended in taking this subject, which has more project that other subjects ( This subject is quite interesting actually, and I think that I will learn lot of new things from this subject. If you want to know more about this subject, check out http://bm362hamid.blogspot.com/ . We have to create a blog as which will contribute to the final grade, interesting isn’t it? I just hope that I can’t survive with the projects….

Yup that’s all. Actually I still have one more registered subject, which is my FYP. But I don’t want to discuss it here coz it will make me sick…. I really have no idea how to cope these all, but hopefully somehow it will work… Cross your finger everybody!!!!!

I don’t know what I really feel about him (definitely it is not romantic kind of feeling ) but it always feels good to have him around, coz it makes me feel that I am not alone. He always said that we have nothing in common, but I believe that we have few things in common, but if we really have nothing in common, maybe those differences are what make us close to each other.

It is kind of a turning point for me first time I met and got close to him in high school. It was the time when finally, in the place where I felt alienated, I met someone who I feel fit in. It was not stop only between me and him, but those people came one by one. Those people where I felt comfortable with, and with those people, we created a circle. It maybe small, but it was deep indeed. Some others students maybe considered us as a “freak” circle or something, but I didn’t really care.

We even created a family line from that circle. It mainly consist people from biology team and English speaking club where he involved in. It triggers a smile in my face every time I recall those memories. I remembered the way we recruited students for biology team. We were not really recruit them on what they wrote in the paper, but more on how the answered it. We accepted those who more or less had the same way of thinking with us ( What a sin )

But now, things are different. We are not in high school anymore, and most of us are separated in different places. I was hoping that I will still have him around longer, but the reality is different from what I expected. I believe that he have made some mistakes few years back, which make this unexpected thing happens now. But anyway, the unexpected is what changes our live…

Now he has to go, start all over again to and pursue what he say as his truly passion. 5 years wasted is something that I regretted, but I am hoping it is for him to be a better person, and also as a lesson to learn for me and other people around him. The past was sweet; the present is maybe breaking our heart but it is the future that is really matters…

Goodbye my dearest brother… Everything will not be the same again here without you and I am surely gonna miss you…